Tag Archives: social media

Short story: Hashtags that never trended #nevertrended

Hashtags that never trended #nevertrended

By Nikesh Shukla

1. #pornbooks – in August 2010, Rich and I tried to kickstart a pun game involving the pornification of book titles. Examples include Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Boner, Even the Dogging, A Tale of Two Titties

2. #nevertrended – in September 2012, I started to collate all the subjects that had never gone viral, the hilariously specific hashtags like #maybeonedayiwillgetjazz and retweeted them with the hashtag #nevertrended. The hashtag #nevertrended never trended.

3. #twittergold – in March 2011, I replied to anyone’s mundane tweet about meals, meetings or being made late by public transport with the simple qualification: #twittergold. I was unfollowed more times by anyone in this period.

4. #thingsthatmakemewanttokillmyself – in February 2012, my ex-girlfriend got in touch with me. I listed other things that made me want to kill myself.

5. #updatedfilmquotes – I thought I had a viral game here. It was September 2012 and I was writing a cheque. I thought of that moment in Point Break. I updated the quote: ‘Your mind’s using 3-digit security codes your body can’t verify.’ I couldn’t think of any others.

6. #x – in July 2009, I got so many Happy Birthday messages, I thought replying to them all, and then to all tweets with hashtag x, I would finally trend. I didn’t.

7. #iwillneverevereatsandwiches – in November 2010, I was drunk and feeling itchy to tweet. This was all I could come up with.

8. #hashtag – in June 2011, I thought this would break Twitter, in the same way Googling Google was supposed to break Google. It didn’t.

9. #loveme – in January 2009, when I first joined Twitter and learned what a hashtag was, this was the first one I ever used.

10. #imleavingtwitter – I Tweeted this today before deleting my account. Somewhere in there was a history of the last two years of my life. I just didn’t like who I had become.

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Confirm/Ignore

Here’s a short story I wrote and read for Radio 4 in 2011. It’s about grief in a social media age.

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