Look, Trapped in the Closet aside, R. Kelly is a world-class genius. Yes, everyone goes on and ON about the midget being the baby’s daddy, which was hilarious at the time, but we get it, it’s knowingly stupid and tongue in cheek. Probe deeper and you’ll discover the riches of R.Kelly’s GENIUS.
Here’s what Aziz Ansari thinks:
I’ll take you back to Ignition as my evidence. We all have evidence about R.Kelly’s genius, the genius that allows us to not think about his disgusting public sexual transgressions (this is the man who later sang a song about wanting to get you pregnant). My evidence is this song:
because it contains the immortal lyric:
‘Cristal popping in the stretch navigator…
We got food EVERYWHERE like the party was catered.’
What kind of crazy-ass parties does R.Kelly have? Answer 1: The best kind. Answer 2: The kind where regardless of the fact that he and his crew and miscellaneous floozies are all cramped in the back of his [I imagine chauffered] stretch navigator, and yet he has the dilligence to get caterers in to kneel about and offer silver service, canapes, little vol-au-vents, smoked salmon on toast, little finger rolls, prawn teriyaki. OR he’s had his mate go to Morrisons, pick up a 12 pack of Doritos, poured them into the posh bowls, not the plastic ones- maybe got some dips too, and spread them around to confuse everyone, Kelly included, into thing that THIS PARTY WAS CATERED. This lyric is proof alone that not only is R.Kelly a genius of descriptive settings, but he knows how to make a party work, right down to a catered orgy in the back of his stretch navigator. And for that, R, we salute you.
I’m going to see him in concert next week. I cannot wait.