Sleeping Outside

There are rules, I have learnt, for sleeping in a coach station.

1) How old are you? No seriously, are you of the age and disposable income to be able to afford a budget hotel? No? Or just skint? Fair enough, okay… do you have friends? Do you have their numbers? Maybe call them.

2) Have you had alcohol tonight? No? Really? Why are you making questionable decisions about sleeping in a coach station. I know it’s 4 hours until the first coach leaves and you’re booked on the one two hours after that. Do you think that smelling of alcohol and sleeping in a coach station will get you on that coach any quicker? Really? You’ve been drinking. I do not trust your judgement in this matter.

3) You have your laptop with you and have got it out to watch series 7 of ‘How I Met Your Mother’ but you’re too sleepy to focus on things so put it away? Okay, seriously now… you’ve been drinking, you’ve decided to wait for your coach in the coach station at stupid o’clock. You’re too tired to watch things on your laptop. You’re paranoid everyone knows you have your laptop with you. Maybe it should just stay in your bag.

4) Wrap that bag around both your legs and clutch the zip with all your might. Even if you pass out from fatigue and the drinking, you’re clutching that sucker into a cocoon no one is breaking into.

5) Dubstep will get you up in the morning. Try this song next time you wake up in a bus shelter and need a helping hand to pull you through all the memories of how you got there in the first place:

Here’s the kicker… you made a questionable decision. Do not ever sleep in the coach station. Because pigeons… they have no mercy when it comes to a passed out man in his mid-thirties wearing a fashionable denim shirt for warmth in March.

I’m an idiot so you don’t have to be.

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